Review: Live Through This: A Mother's Memoir of Runaway Daughters and Reclaimed Love, by Debra Gwartney

I have never personally known anyone whose children have run away, and have only been able to imagine the heartache that must both preceed and follow such a tragedy. I have to admit that I imagined what these families must look like, who they must be, and the images I had weren't always kind. I imagined abuse, or drugs, or parents kicking their children out of the house. I imagined huge cadres of police searching for these children, agencies helping the parents find their babies and bring them home.

Gwartney, who has written for Newsweek and other publications, gives a painfully honest look at what one such family is like in her novel, Live Through This. With her daughters' permission, she has recorded in an incredibly raw way the demise of her marriage, her move and ex-husband's subsequent remarriage, and how as a result of these her two eldest daughters completely fell apart. It was shocking how quickly things moved beyond a normal parent's grasp of control. Gwartney is a well-educated, intelligent woman who loves her children, and yet still she was not able to stop the runaway train, literally and metaphorically. Her telling is so plain, it is easy to see her guilt and devastation at her own failings as a parent, of which she freely admits. The best way I can explain it is that it seemed as though her skin had been scraped with glass in the same way one would skin an animal, leaving only nerves and raw meat. That is what she has shared.

Her girls began somewhat innocently enough to rebel, staying out too late, and doing the usual teenage things. However, their anger and pain regarding the divorce, resulting poverty, and uprooting fueled their teenage angst, and they became involved with The Wrong Crowd, doing drugs and staying out all night, eventually coming home only after several days. The two younger girls were frightened, both of the sisters themselves and over not knowing where they were, and my heart broke for them as their mother tried to simultaneously make life seem normal for them, making cookies and going to ballet, while at the same time sneaking out of the house after they were asleep to scour the streets for her oldest two.

What really shocked me was the complete disregard authorities had for the situation. Police would not get involved. State agencies were no help. The schools only blamed her for not making sure the children were in school and threatened legal action against her for the girls' truancy, of all things. Gwartney had to turn to what were essentially bountyhunters, bootcamps, and eventually foster care, none of which worked. Still the girls disappeared, this time for months, on a drug-fueled tour of the west coast. Eventually, CA authorities informed her that there is a whole movement of runaways in the state, basically forming their own societies outside any regulation, and there is nothing they can do about it. I find this apalling and terrifying.

I applaud Gwartney for her bravery in coming forward, and her daughters for eventually straightening themselves out. This book exposes a minefield of social, familial and governmental failings, and is worth a read. After reading her story, I honestly feel that this could happen to any one of us, after making a few wrong turns or missing a few signs. I feel that maybe I'm more aware now of what to look for in my own children as they get older, and that's always a valuable thing.

Rating: five out of five stars. Raw, powerful and haunting, both frightening and socially valuable, with the added bonus of a post-reconcilliation chapter to soften the landing